CrazyAss13

I'm not a fan of Andy Rooney's weekly commentary on 60 Minutes but this weeks was pretty good.

"Years ago, I was asked to write a speech for President Nixon.

I didn't do that, but I wish President Bush would ask me to write a speech for him now.

Here's what I'd write if he asked me to - which is unlikely:

My fellow Americans - (the word "fellow" includes women in political speeches):

My fellow Americans. One of the reasons we invaded Iraq was because I suggested Saddam Hussein had something to do with the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center. No evidence that's so, I wish I hadn't said it.

I said we were going to get Saddam Hussein. To be honest, we don't know whether we got him or not. Probably not.

I said we'd get Osama bin Laden and wipe out al Qaeda. We haven't been able to do that, either. I'm as disappointed as you are.

I probably shouldn't have said Iraq had nuclear weapons. Our guys and the U.N. have looked under every bed in Iraq and can't find one.

In one speech, I told you Saddam Hussein tried to buy the makings of nuclear bombs from Africa. That was a mistake and I wish I hadn't said that. I get bad information sometimes just like you do.

On May 1, I declared major combat was over and gave you the impression the war was over. I shouldn't have declared that. Since then, 215 American soldiers have been killed in Iraq. As the person who sent them there, how terrible do you think that makes me feel?

I promised to leave no child behind when it comes to education. Then I asked for an additional $87 billion for Iraq. It has to come from somewhere. I hope the kids aren't going to have to pay for it - now in school or later when they're your age.

When I landed on the deck of the carrier, I wish they hadn't put up the sign saying MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. It isn't accomplished.

Maybe it should have been MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.

I've made some mistakes and I regret it. Let me just read you excerpts from something my father wrote five years ago in his book, A World Transformed.

I firmly believed we should not march into Baghdad ...To occupy Iraq would instantly shatter our coalition, turning the whole Arab world against us and make a broken tyrant, into a latter-day Arab hero &

This is my father writing this.

...assigning young soldiers to a fruitless hunt for a securely entrenched dictator and condemning them to fight in what would be an unwinnable urban guerrilla war.

We should all take our father's advice.

That's the speech I'd write for President Bush. No charge."

Written By Andy Rooney

Four contestants are still fighting for the Australian Idol TV crown, but the breakout star is Courtney Act, a 21 year-old drag artist. He realised he was gay at age 18, and told his parents by sending them a SMS message saying simply, "I am gay."

Mental Ernie | Use Condoms | Waste Time Online

XTINA + CAMEL TOE = OMG HOTS

I'm not sure what is going on here but it sure looks messy.

OHHHHH FLIP!

Check this fantastic LOONEY TUNES soundboard.

Prince is a Jehovah's Witnesses?

Mercedes tv spot.

English Angora Rabbits give me fits.

Not safe for work HOTS HOTS

Her DJ name should be DJ TITIES. HA HA HA!

Who would have thunk it? Screech from the teeny-bopper show Saved By The Bell rocks. It is true, Dustin Diamond (Screech) has a debut album coming out for his group Salty the Pocketknife.??

Must read. How conflicts between the Bush Administration and the intelligence community marred the reporting on Iraqs weapons.

Slapass | bOg | Link Whore

There was abuse in my family, but it was mostly musical in nature. Terry Bohner. Go watch A Mighty Wind.

Karaoke just got a whole lot sexier! Tits, ass, karaoke. Sounds about right to me.

NICK BURNS - The Company Computer Guy! MOVE!.

You don't know Dick! Best Dick = Ricardo Montalban. Worse Dick = Richard Simmons. Wildcard Dick = Boner.

This shane guy has a bunch of crazy shit in this open directory.

Jessica Simpsons mesmerizing brand of dumb. I almost feel bad for the Nick.

Fucking USA! This is a very shocking anti-American propaganda video made by North Koreans and previously broadcast on South Korean and Japanese Television. Shocking or extremely funny?

Snuff movies do exist. BULLSHIT!

iPod new TV Spot featuring Black Eyed Peas. The folks at Apple are like totally Hip-A-Fied.

Moonpix is a Cat Power fan site. Check out the downloads section. They have Chan performing a karaoke version of the Real Slim Shady.

The Darkness. Get your hands off my The Darkness CD mother fucker! You should check this album out.

Britney Spears feels she was exploited by Esquire' magazine. WHA EVER. You can see more photos of the Britney Esquire shoot here.

Paris Hilton and Nicky Hilton Slide Show and Pictures of Paris Hilton in Maxim UK

Margaret's Cho has BLOG. I like her. She is funny. I really liked this entry. Tucker Carlson is a dick.

Did you hear Bill O'Reilly go bat shit insane on Terry Gross? He's a dick too.

New plan: Kill endangered species to save them.

SpeedMonkey | Talking Points Memo | Snow Surfer