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Reaching for the Random...Lets elect a Democrat next year
Well, Ive been keeping a watchful eye on all the war stuff. Glad its winding down. Since everybody is convinced that we are over there to steal their oil, I cant wait for gas prices to drop. Im tired of walking to the store to get beer. I havent gotten a haircut in 2 months. Why? Shit, have you seen gas prices lately? But now that we won the war, our gas prices will be lower. Thats good. And frankly, Im confused why everyone is blaming Bush for everything and saying that he is a war mongering oil baron. So I decided that I would write a letter to Sen. Tom Daschle(D) of South Dakota and ask him what he is going to change, if and when he runs for president. Here is the letter I wrote, followed by his eloquent response: Senator Daschle, Hello. My name is Mr. Pickles and I am a concerned citizen. I have been watching all this war stuff and I am tired, frankly. Tired of people complaining about republicans. Tired of people complaining about gas and SUVs. Tired of people complaining about the war. So I figured Id sit down and write you a letter. I was wondering what you are going to do to get people to quit bitching. Now, I have heard that you might run for president, so I want to know exactly what you plan to do to. Sincerely, Mr. Pickles ================== Dear Mr. Pickles, Thank you for your concern. As you know, I am the best Democrat in this fair country. I am pretty sure that if I ran for President I would win very easily. Your letter really got the ol brain juices flowin. I took some time to answer your question. I have several changes that I will implement when I am king. First, I intend to pave the entire state of South Dakota. If you have ever driven across this great state, you have noticed that it is flatter than Calista Flockhearts chest. If we pave this bitch, than I feel we will be doing our part to save gas. For instance, if you want to go from Rapid City to Lincoln, Nebraska(well, by that time it will be called South Dakota--see below) to watch the Huskers play, you could just cut across the state instead of driving to Sioux Falls and then down into Nebraska. How cool is that? Second, I am going to change the name of this state from South Dakota, to just Dakota. I dont like the South part of our name. It just bugs me. And since North Dakota will probably keep their name the same, I figure that we will need to change Nebraska to South Dakota. We cant have Dakota and North Dakota without a South Dakota, dont you think? I have a few friends in Nebraska who are going to help me out with this. It should be pretty cool. Plus, those people that designed all those cool new 25 cent pieces will have to design an extra quarter for our new state of Dakota. Think about this: When they release that extra quarter, we will have more money in our economy. Hows that for economic stimulus? South Dakota gets a cool new name, and we get our country out of the bad economy, all at once. Third, I am going to implement a very drastic change that will shake the very foundations of this great country(for the better). Are you ready to hear this? I am going to change the way we say the Pledge of Allegiance. We are going to keep the actual pledge the same, but I am going the make it mandatory to use your left hand when saying the pledge instead of your right hand. We Americans use our right hand for almost everything. Shifting gears, handshakes, walking the dog, and writing(ok, most of us do)all require us to use our right hands. Hell, I dont know about you, but I usually wank it with my right hand. Now, I dont wanna say the Pledge with the same hand that I use for all that other stuff, so I decided that it would be cool for us to switch. Just to prove how serious I am about this, I included a picture of me testing out the left hand pledge recently. As you can see it looks great. Surely you agree that I have some great plans in my head for turning this country around. I hope you vote for me. See you at the poles! Tom Daschle(D) - Senate Majority Leader South Dakota(not for much longer!) Mr Pickles
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