I was in college at the time, and I?was on the track team?which gave me ample time to scope the ladies on a daily basis.? One of the other schools in town?was known for having several "lookers" on their team, and one of them lived two doors down from my friends and?me.? As you may have already guessed, she lived with another girl, which isn't odd at all, but there were?several "red flags" which?prompted many discussions among my friends and I as to the sexual preference of the ladies.? So I present to you, the?jury, the facts in the case, and leave the?verdict up to you, having already reached a concrete conclusion myself.

Exhibit A:? Several CD's by noted lesbian activists.? Nobody likes Ellen Degeneres.? She's ugly and she sure as hell isn't funny...UNLESS you munch carpet, then she becomes?hilarious, and "one of the only people that really understands how I feel".? Perhaps the same could be said of the Indigo Girls.? The only time this?really sounds good is when your eatin' at the Y.? To a lesbian I'm pretty sure this shit is like Barry White.

Exhibit B: Rainbows everywhere.? For whatever reason, the rainbow has become the international?symbol of gayness.? I don't get it, but they love them damn rainbow more than anything.? Rainbow magnets.? Rainbow bumper stickers.? Rainbow dinnerware.? Yup, that's right, they had rainbows on their dinnerware.? I figure?the whole rainbow thing must?have started out as a secret code.? Lesbians could easily identify each other by spotting the rainbows.? Clever.? As if the butch haircuts and scowl on the face wasn't enough, they need rainbows to help them know who is lesbian.? These particular suspects even had rainbow dog leashes, which brings us to our next piece of evidence.

Exhibit C:? Wiener dogs.? These ladies each had a wiener dog of their very own which they kept on rainbow leashes as they walked them around the park across from my house.? One of the ladies was actually featured on the local evening news with her dog because she had purchased insurance for the animal.? Good thing she did, since he got cancer and almost died, and if it weren't for the insurance, she would not have been able to save the poor beast.? Weiner dogs might not sound much like solid evidence in this case, but consider this theory:?the wiener dog is actually her way of compensating for something that is missing from her life.? Though she does not realize it, she has filled the inherent need of all women to have a phallic in their life(I can already envision the angry emails this theory may generate).? Consider their shape.? Why do you think they call them wiener dogs?? And their pointy little noses are so cute, aren't they?

Exhibit D:? They were both on a softball team.? I recall one night that there was a large party taking place at their home.? Realizing that this would be a perfect time to gather evidence(much of the aforementioned), we decided to walk down to the party and mingle.? We walk in the door, and there were short chubby chicks with butch haircuts as far as the eye could see.? It was a softball party, and the lesbos were out in full force.? Later that night, the party was relocated to their favorite bar; a little place called the "Dewdrop".? Me and my buddy were the only two swingin' dicks in the house with the exception of a guy that was passed out at the bar.? I'm sure the only thing worse than waking up with a hangover would be waking up with a hangover and realizing that you spent the bulk of the last evening trying to pick up chicks at a dyke bar.? My buddy and I gravitated toward the dartboard and stayed there hoping to weather the gay storm that was raging all around us.? When I got home that night, I went straight to bed and curled up in the fetal position.

That's it, that's all I got.? But if there is any questions remaining as to the sexual preferences of the ladies then you need to get your "gaydar" checked my friend.? Fear the rainbow.? Respect the cock.

Cheers,
Mr. Pickles????