Reaching for the Random...not that you care.
Well, it's been a few days since I sat down to the computer with the intention of typing a new post for y'all.? Quite a bit has happened since last time I posted, starting with me moving to a new apartment.? I won't use that excuse to take a 3 week vacation from my obligations to the site(like CrazyAss did), but I'll admit that it does throw your world into a bit of a funk for a while(I'm sure Fagatron knows what I'm talking about).? First, you gotta find a place, then you gotta like it, then you gotta apply, then you gotta pack your shit and move.? I really don't mind moving all that much, but I really hate asking my friends for help 'cause very few people like to move their own shit, let alone someone else's.? However, a few twelvers of beer seem to bring out the mover in everyone.? You lift a little faster if you know there is a cold one waiting for you somewhere along the line.? For the most part, the move went well.? I have(had) this heavy ass couch that was a real bitch to move.? It had recliners at both ends, which made it way heavier than your typical couch.? Even worse than the weight of the couch was the condition it was in.? It was a hand-me-down couch, so it was pretty old when I got it, and I was never really motivated to keep it, but since I can't afford anything new, I had to move the turd with me wherever I went.? Down four flights of stairs, into a truck, and up four more flights at the new place.? Then, my aunt offers us a nice(newer, lighter) couch and chair that she was going to sell at a garage sale for 100 bones.? Sounds good, right?? All except for the fact that I must now dispose of the old couch(and matching recliner), which would likely mean carrying it down the stairs again.? And even though I know this would surely be the last time that I have to pack that shit anywhere, I'm having a real hard time motivation myself, plus it means I need to ask my friends for more help since the thing weights more than a Volkswagen.? Then, I get an idea.? I call up the local Salvation Army chapter and tell them I have a couch and recliner they can have if they want to pick it up.? Sweet, now all I need to do is lug that bitch out into the hallway, and they'll send a few mules over to?carry that thing off into the sunset(and I get to keep my beer).? Well, the morning that they are supposed to be there to pick it up comes, and shortly thereafter, I discover that the couch is still in the hallway, and the Salvation Army goons have attached a note to it saying that they don't take furniture in this sort of condition.? It's the Salvation Army for fuck sake!? What were they expecting, a new leather couch?? Further investigation revealed that the couch had actually been moved a few feet from where I set it, leading me to believe that the real reason they didn't take it was because it's so damn heavy.? So, here I am, days away from getting a new couch and trying to figure out what to do with the one I got in the hallway.? It was time to get crafty.? I sent the wife to the store for a hacksaw while I laid into that bitch with my ratchet set.? I dismantled the recliner, and as much of the couch as I could, and lugged the small pieces down to the trash.? When the thing was light enough for me and the wife to carry, we?dragged it down the four flights of stairs and into the parking lot, where I proceeded to cut it into pieces with the hacksaw.? Years of pent up anger were released that night.? I filled up two huge dumpsters with that shit.? Then new couch is treating me just fine.

Anyways, the new digs are workin' out great.? It's out of the city a bit, and in a higher income area, which means less kids with diapers swimming in the pool while their parents sit around gaining weight.? Plus, I'm closer to work, which is cool, but it seems that there are more accidents on my new route, probably due to the fact that it's regular streets instead of a three lane highway.? I swear, the next asshead that gets in a wreck and prevents me from getting home early from work is gonna get an asswhuppin', pickles style.? Where I live, they shouldn't call them "accidents", they should call them "ass-idents".? It's always some asshole that thinks he's gotta be home 30 seconds faster so that he can watch Friends or something.? Lots of people do stupid shit on the roads these days.? Speaking of car wrecks, I just about bagged an elk the other day.? I was on my way to Vegas in the early hours of the morning to catch a friends wedding, when two elk ran across the road.? Elk fuck shit up bad.? Luckily, my?instincts?kicked in, and I pulled a last second maneuver that would have made Bo and Luke Duke?yell "Whoa doggies!"

One final note: Tool is touring the US again.? If you even remotely like their shit, or have any respect for a band that truly still matters, get your nuts to the show.? I saw them a few nights ago, and they rocked my shit so hard I'm still seeing blue Maynards when I sleep.? The whole show is just pure sensory overload that takes you to the edge and dangles you by your ankles?over the abyss of rock greatness.? You will be forever changed.
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Cheers,
Mr Pickles
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