John Kerry Live in Sioux City!
By Simon Cartel, attorney-at-law
CrazyAss, Fat Midget and I tripped down to Sioux City last Saturday to rally with Kerry and his family.
During the primaries, I thought Kerry represented the old, tired, stand-for-nothing Democratic party. I was for Dean the only one with a shot at shaking everything up. But Deans legacy will live he made Kerry and Edwards better.
When we rolled into town, we all yelled, Oh, shit! at the same time. The line waiting to get in stretched for a mile or so. Of course, Fat Midget was hungry for breakfast.
After breakfast we went to scope out all the Bush/Cheney protesters. They were advertising Kerry Waffles for breakfast. I wanted one. Sorry were all out. We just have peanut butter and syrup. I was furious. Here these guys are calling Kerry a waffler, all the while propagating false advertising. I said, Whos the duplicitous one here? You have no goddamn room to talk about waffles! Fat Midget wanted a Bush/Cheney sign.
We got through the line and security without much trouble. Inside the party had started. One bed-wetter on stage shrieking at people and kids to get their signs and to wave them in a matter so that they dont block others. Then came the hippies - standard entertainment at Democratic events. Not AC/DC or even Neil Young background music. Two longhaired acoustic players strumming like theyre at a anti-Vietnam rally.
They knew this wasnt going well. So they handed out popsicles. A kid I knew put one to his tongue, only to have it stick like monkey bars in December. He panicked and ripped it off, spraying blood everywhere. Funny enough, right? CrazyAsss girlfriend (way out of his league in terms of charm and beauty) fell victim, too. Her popsicle-tongue was around long enough for people to pour water over it and for a small crowd of 15 or so to laugh and embarrass her.
Im guessing there were 75 125 secret service agents. About 30 flew out of the black limos and Suburbans when Kerry and family arrived.
Kerrys daughters are hot. I kind of like Barbara Bush (the one currently at Yale not the one currently with gout and fleece white hair), but shes not half as pretty or, ostensibly smart, as Alexandra Kerry. See http://www.edthibodeau.com/nonplussed/2004/05/not_a_good_idea.html
Teresa Heinz Kerry was fantastic. Johns not ready to be president. Nobody is. Even if he were, I wouldnt tell him. I need to keep him humble.
I dont need to talk about Kerry. You know how he is.
