2001 Sucked Ass and Other Christmas Shit
 12/27/01 CrazyAss13
This Christmas stunk worse then a bag woman's pussy. RIP Sideshow.

This site is going to be pretty slow till the year 2002. Mr Pickles is out and I'm not sure if Fagatron2093 is going to post anything till the new year. I don't know why I'm posting tonight besides I'm board and don't know what else to do. The funny thing is nothings been happening on the site for a week yet hits are at a all time high. I guess that's the way it works. Fucking interweb.

A few random things that happened over Christmas break.

I went to this little dive bar with old school friends a couple of times. The jack and cokes were flowing like loose stool and we were drunk belligerent bastards. The bar has a jute box filled with half country shit and classic rock and roll shit. I know this jute box well and I know it only has one rap song on it, Cypress Hill, Cock The Hammer. I always play Cypress when I'm there just because it's the only rap song on the whole fucking jute box and I'm trying to expand peoples fucking minds you know. So that night I had ten selections I played Cypress first and then 4 other songs I had 5 songs left but it was time for a shot with my people so I said fuck it and played Cypress 5 more times. I was pretty drunk. So the jute plays Cypress and then my other 4 songs and that's it. So I'm like what the fuck! I've got screwed out of 5 Cock The Hammers. So I put another buck in the box and play Cypress 5 more times. Some other fucks had played the jute so I'm listing to Toto, Boston, and both Eddies, Money and Rabbitt, just waiting for my Cypress to drop. Finally I hear Cypress so I'm telling everyone like a drunken buffoon that 4 more are coming. The Jute stops at the beginning of the second Cypress and fucking skips them all. This goes on a bit, people playing Cypress and Cypress getting skipped till a friend points out that the bartender has a skip button behind the bar. Good for her : bad for druken bastards.

I was looking at an old pictures of my great grandma. I didn't know her and my mother didn't really either. Anyway I was looking at it and she looked very Naive American. I'm part injun so where the fuck is my casino money! I got fucking back pay coming!

My GF got me this for Christmas. It so crazy how simple yet fun this game is. I've already lost a day of my life playing with 6 little blips on a tiny screen. CrazyAss13 recommended. If you cant afford a PS2 go buy this instead.

I need to drop a few plugs. I owe MisplacedHate a plug from way back in the early days of crazyass13.com, it's a great site and a fun read. Darlock knows way too much about penis enlargement, but has a cool site with some great Mac links on it and other cool shit. Dougie of Errol Street is now posting on Downward-Spiral go check his shit out.

If your like me and you like to laugh, and I bet you do, go visit Social Reject. Stop fucking around, go there!

Sorry I missed you Snow and BTG, I really wanted to chat but shit was crazy here, maybe next time.
CrazyAss13 | | AIM

Marry Christmas!
 12/25/01 CrazyAss13


CrazyAss13 | | AIM

Happy Holidays!
 12/24/01

A short while ago, I was talking to my grandma, and she was telling me about when my dad was born.? She was saying that he was trying to be born?3 months early.? Now, that is pretty darn early, and?back then, the technology wasn't quite what it was today, so the young man probably would have died.? To complicate things, they were very poor and lived in a modified chicken coop in chilly Colorado(middle of the winter).? Anyways, this got me thinking about what things would have been like if my old man had died at an early age.? It's wierd to think back about that sort of thing, and realize how close I actually came to never existing.? Furthermore, consider the countless people whom he has had an effect on in?his life, and the people they, as a result, affected.? It's quite staggering.? It's kind of like trying to grasp the?size and scope of "outer space".? This isn't your average Mr. Pickles post, but maybe it'll cause you to think about things in a different light today.? It's been a strange year for everyone.? Remember:?There are?amazing people all around us, and they constantly effect our lives.? The Holidays are upon us...make sure you spend time with as many of these people as you possibly can.
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Happy holidays, and as always, cheers!
MrPickles | | AIM

Reaching for the Random...and getting 'beat up'.
 12/20/01

If this doesn't make you laugh, check your pulse...?
Today, I have a breaking news story, straight from our nations grade school playgrounds.? The sexiest field reporter I know brought this story to my attention, and I feel it's my duty to report it.? If you have a grade-school kid in the family, take notice...She was telling me about a group of students at the school she teaches at that have been participating in a little event they all call "The Beat-Up Club".? This brutal group of second graders gets together at undisclosed locations after school and on Saturdays (after cartoons) to "beat each other up".? Why, you ask??? Well, each of them claims to have been inspired by the movie "Fight Club", in which a group of men repeatedly beat the hell out of each other and blow shit up.? No kidding.? Daryl, age 8, says: "Beat-Up club is radical!? Plus it gave me a chance to get even with Nate for?throwing my Pokemon hat in the girls bathroom."? When Daryl was asked who he would love to fight, he said: "Harry Potter, 'cause I'd love to bust his round glasses, bitch!"? I bet Jerry's kids don't do this kind of stuff.
?
OK, not that we need anything more to be worrying about lately...terrorists, anthrax, the economy...the list goes on and on.? For me, all these things pale in comparison to a disease that is quietly sweeping the nation.? The problem with this particular disease is that it is somewhat difficult to diagnose, and it's only known cure is, simply, time.? It's known as "Cockhand", and it is becoming a major problem.? The term refers to the loss of ability to play video games after spending an hour or more sleeping with your hand in the vicinity of your crotch.? Thus the term.? To date, it is the only known disease that you can get from yourself.? Mysteriously, it isn't contagious to other people around you.? Recently, I saw the effects of this disease on one of my?good friends as we were playing video games and drinkin'.? After several brews, "Jessie" (name not changed to protect the infected)?fell asleep on the couch with a blanket over him.? As I went to awaken him some time later, I lifted the blanket from his sleeping body.? To my horror, I found his hand was firmly placed right on top of his?frank and beans as if he was gaurding against someone kicking him.? A short time later, and even the following day, we noticed dimininished motor skills, especially while playing video games.? Other side effects may include, but are not limited to: loss of memory, loss of memory card, irritability, and fatigue.? Like I said, the only cure is time.? As you get together with friends and family this season, be careful, especially if you like video games.
Cheers
MrPickles | | AIM

The Mystery of Britney's Boobies
 12/19/01 CrazyAss13
Funny flash animations about Britney have become a little cliche but I found the Mystery of Britney's Breasts informative and entertaining.

This forked tongued classy lassie is one of my favorite reads.
I'm not church going folk but I'm pretty sure hiding a hand gun in a bible is a ticket to hell.

Lucha libre Blue Demon was buried in his mask?

Check out Perfect Echo. The Henry Rollins / Tom Waits mp3 killed me! Thanks.

Not sexy.
CrazyAss13 | | AIM

12/18/01 Zefron Flemister

I'll Be a Temp, But I'll Never Be a Perm
 12/17/01 Fagatron2093
I cannot remember a time in my life when I have ever been as nervous and uptight as I am right now. As I write this, it is less than 12 hours until I have my unemployment appeal hearing.

 You see, kids, once upon a time...oh, about one or two months ago...I had a job. A job that I liked quite well. A job that was cool enough to earn me a stalker (which I'll tell you about next time). I liked everything about my job except one thing.

And that one thing fired me. Of course,

 I did walk out in a huff while the one thing was trying to write me up. I did tell the one thing to fuck off and die. I did not come in nor call in absent to work one day because I was so mad at the one thing. But really, does that mean I shouldn't still be paid?

I think not, and that's exactly what I have to prove at court tomorrow. Many of you are probably thinking that I'm doing this for the money, and you're exactly right! Imagine, making money for NOT working. It's the American dream, is it not?

As if receiving a fat $300 check every week wasn't incentive enough for me to go all LA Law on the unemployment system, there's also my overriding fear of what I'll have to do if I don't win this case - I will have to get a temporary job.

Being a temp, to me, is like being a really stupid person that gets mistaken for a retard. Yeah, I know I'm a temp, but I'm not a fucking helpless helmet head like the rest of the basket cases the agency attracts. Yet, no matter where you go, you're labeled as a temp, and expected to drool and pull your pants down to your ankles when using a urinal - and type a little. The only redeeming quality about being a temp is that you become really, really happy to not be a perm at the place you get stuck in.

Before I had the job from which I was fired, I held a temp job for eight months at the same place. I was asked twice to become a perm, and I vehemently turned the "opportunity" down.

In my nervous despair over possibly losing tomorrow's appeal case, I pondered why I hated being a temp so much. Was it really that bad? It would only be for a little while, and maybe being in a new environment would broaden me as a person. Right? Then I re-read the emails I wrote to friends while on company time at this temp job, and was hastily reminded of why it sucks to be a temp. And why there is no lower form of life than a person who doesn't even have a cubicle to call home.

What follows are actual excerpts from actual emails I wrote while sitting at my temp job over three years ago. If you read them, I think you'll agree that I deserve to win my unemployment appeal case tomorrow. OH PLEASE GOD LET ME WIN!! I'll put some spare change in one of those red buckets with bell ringers next to them! I'll stop flipping off old ladies for no reason! Shit, I'll even go to church on Christmas or something, man. God, please, give me free money!

Click Here To Read Emails I Wrote While At My Temp Job

Fagatron2093

I Got Shit For Christmas
 12/17/01 CrazyAss13
I Like to Watch, and you will too. Very offensive and very funny.

Holly shit, see what's Next for Bob and Dave.

I've linked this before and don't pretend to understand it but it's very cool.

RIP BUTTHOLE.

I spent a good hour on this site tonight.

Lolita art by Rita Ackermann?

WWF lockeroom hazing or homosexuality? If you watch or watched wrestling go to Random Wrestling. It's great stuff.

While I'm on a wrestling kick check out the Ric Flair soundboard.

Eric Conveys an emotion at www.emotioneric.com.

Things I want for Christmas.

1. I'd love to meet the genius behind this item, it's sure brilliance. Wind Up Walking Sushi looks sooo good to me.

2. For an old lady to fall down in front of me. Then I would run up to her and say "Have a nice trip? See you next Fall." and slug her one in the arm. Stupid old lady.

3. Dirty Windows by Merry Alpern.
4. "Being photographed does not make a man a good writer. It doesn't make a man anything." - Bukowski. I'll take anything by Bukowski. These photos are great.

5. Another Carrot Top movie, it's a sick obsession I know but It couldn't be any worse then How High which I'm going to see on opening night just because it has Red and Meth in it.

7. Cheap web hosting for the domain name I got for my birthday, PATRICKSWAYZESBROTHERSUCKS.COM. Yep thanks to my friend KK I own that shit.

8. For the new Guns & Roses album to come out in my lifetime.

9. To eat a meal cooked by Jani fuckin' Lane.

10. If you still don't know what to get me I can always use another one of these.

 Sites I Check Out Today!
CrazyAss13 | | AIM

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